The Great School Debate
The Dr. Phil Show, "The Great School Debate" (Proposed Air Date: October 27, 2006, rescheduled to air Friday, November 24, 2006) begins with a couple that calls themselves "Radical Unschoolers."
During a recent discussion on the California Homeschool Network E-mail list, Kirsten shared her first-hand experience as an invited guest on the Dr. Phil show for an upcoming episode about the controversial subject of Unschooling.
First of all, I was present during the taping of the program, which is scheduled to air later this month. Additionally, I'd like to provide a little background history into the Dr. Phil Show.
Breastfeeding Guest Sabotaged
About six years ago, when the Dr. Phil show was just starting out, a well known, highly educated and well-respected, breastfeeding activist and guru in the breastfeeding community appeared on the show. At that time, she was led by the Dr. Phil Show into believing she was going to be on the show, to promote extended breastfeeding as a positive, alternative, parenting choice. To have this breastfeeding activist on the show, is the breastfeeding equivalent of having Karen Taylor on the show to advocate for, and promote homeschooling.
Like the homeschooling community, the Breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting community also has a very rich Internet culture. Many homeschoolers began our homeschooling journey, many years ago, as part of the Breastfeeding/Attachment Parenting communities with babies at the breast.
At the time, I was on an e-mail list with this woman when she found out that she was going to be on The Dr. Phil show. A camera crew came to her house and taped 8-days of footage. She posted often about the events happening leading up to the show date, and was very excited about being on the show. She was especially excited about this opportunity to present to the mainstream world the positive benefits of EBF'ing, or what we "Lactivists," call Extended Breastfeeding.
On the day of the show, they used a grand total of 30 seconds of footage from eight days of coverage that they had shot at the woman's home, and of that coverage, all of it was negative!
Nursing in Tandem
The clips that they selected to air showed her kids crying, yanking at her shirt, or tandeming (that's a bit extreme for mainstreamers), and acting terrible. How many of us could get at least 30 second of our kids acting terrible in eight days of footage? My kids could easily fill up quite a bit of time!
In addition, his decision to show tandeming in the subtext of the kids yanking and whining at her shirt was so exploitive and negative. Tandeming can mean nursing multiples, but the word is most often is used in reference to the practice of breastfeeding siblings of different ages. It is a beautiful, natural and uniquely special breastfeeding practice common in breastfeeding communities.
However, in mainstream populations it is virtually unheard of, and to tandem EBF'ers, (Extended Breast feeders, generally kids over the age of two), is just beyond the scope of Mainstream America.
Since the most negative coverage possible of the family was to air on the show and represent her family life, it made breastfeeding, and especially EBF'ing and TND'ing appear to be poor choices, and certainly to blame for the mother's so-called, "Problems," with her children.
In other words, Dr. Phil's portrayal of Homeschoolers was every bit as biased, controversial, manipulative and misleading as the breastfeeding episode. Homeschooling, like breastfeeding and co-sleeping, is yet one more alternative parenting philosophy that Dr. Phil chooses not to understand.
Radical Unschoolers
Presenting, "Radical Unschoolers," as the norm of homeschooling to the mainstream world, implies that all homeschoolers are radical, controversial, Unschoolers. Unschooling is by far the least understood and radical concept of homeschooling, and the easiest target for critics to judge and condemn.
To use this family as representative of the homeschool population is sensationalism at best, and deceitfully manipulative, at worst. The film portrays the Unschoolers as spending all of their days basically playing and hanging out. To seasoned homeschoolers, that may not seem a bad thing, and, to some, would even seem a good thing. But, to every mainstream American, who does not understand homeschoolers and homeschooling, let alone Unschooling, the film and the footage shown of the family serves to reinforce every negative stereotype mainstream America has about homeschooling.
When the breastfeeding episode was taped, the woman believed that she was on the show to present breastfeeding knowledge to others. Imagine her complete shock as she came up on the stage, meeting Dr. Phil for the first time, and having just finished watching eight days of her family's life distorted and manipulated on national Television.
Dr. Phil then worded for her that her, "Problem," as "How can I get all these kids to stop breastfeeding all the time?" She *never* intended to go on the show on the pretext of having a breastfeeding "Problem." To watch the episode unfold was totally appalling.
Those of us in the breastfeeding community dropped our jaws in disbelief. The mother was shocked and totally speechless. Dr. Phil never did give her a chance to say, "Hey wait a minute, I don't have a problem, I am advocating this." "This is my lifestyle by choice! I am proud of it, and I advocate it for others!"
He also slammed co-sleeping, though he has since backed down a little bit on this. The show was an outrage in the breastfeeding community. Some blamed the mother saying she had done a disservice to the promotion of breastfeeding, and that she should have known better than to believe that she would be anything other than exploited by a TV show.
Special Guest Audience
Others were appalled at Dr. Phil, that he would so blatantly twist this women's words and who had given eight days of her family's life to this show, and flown out there to be a guest for him. The show taught me a lot about how these things work. I now have a very healthy skepticism and distrust of the Dr. Phil show. And that, is the knowledge that I had, when I made the decision to attend the Dr. Phil show as a, "Special Guest Audience."
Though there is nothing wrong with Unschooling, many of us took a little while to truly develop an educated understanding and appreciation of Unschooling. And we were those who *cared* passionately about homeschooling. We were those who read books about homeschooling, who talked to others and passionately studied this decision to make an educated choice.
We were those who had a genuine, non-biased interest in learning about all the richly diverse theories behind the different styles of homeschooling; all the way from Unschooling to School-At-Home. We wanted to learn everything about homeschooling so that we could make the choice that was best suited for our family, whether it was Unschooling, School-At-Home, somewhere in between, or maybe an eclectic mix of the best. What we were NOT doing, was learning about Unschooling in a thirty-second, clearly biased, skewed clip by Dr. Phil.
Where's the Debate?
Dr. Phil opens the "Great Debate," episode with news-media coverage of the recent school shootings, and in a grand flourish of the "Great Debate," he states that more and more families are turning to homeschooling. This episode could very well be mainstream America's first exposure to a "typical," homeschooling family.
Perhaps, a very new "Newbie," is thinking of homeschooling as they watch this show, interested in the wise Dr. Phil's assessment of homeschooling. While it's true that the Unschooling family did hold her own very well against, Dr. Phil who relentlessly kept quizzing her with questions such as, "Yes, but don't you want your child to be prepared to compete in America's competitive Market?" His choice to use a "Radical Homeschooling Family," was exploitive, deliberately calculated and controversial.
If he truly wanted to have a "Great Debate," why not begin the show by first having a knowledgeable, reputable homeschooling advocate explain the many different styles and ways to homeschool, and the theories and benefits of each style, so that the mainstream general audience could develop informed opinions and be appreciative of what they were debating in the first place?
He never, ever, once said, "Teach us about homeschooling." Or, "Explain to me the different styles of homeschooling." Instead, he right off, used this extreme, self-proclaimed, "Radical Unschooling Family," and never explained the basic concepts of homeschooling and all the choices that homeschoolers can make in how they choose to teach their children.
The footage that they used, is nice and pretty to those of us who value happy, well-adjusted, homeschooling children playing, but to mainstream America those children will be perceived as children of permissive parents doing nothing but hanging out.
Stereotypes and Hype
I know that we value play, and why we value play. But mainstream America does not value play the way homeschoolers do, and has many ingrained negative stereotypes about homeschooling. To them, we are Religious Zealots, or Unschooling Hippies, or Over-Permissive, Overly Attached Parents, or Paranoid, Overly-Protective, Control-Freaks, or, perhaps, Just Plain Lazy.
Dr. Phil plays upon every one of these stereotypes in his "Great Debate," episode. There were so many homeschooling families that Dr. Phil could have chosen to represent homeschoolers, and he deliberately chose the family with the least understood homeschool style to promote his own bias and agenda on homeschooling that day.
The second couple on the show comes on after the Dr. Phil show plays extensive news media coverage of all the recent school shootings. This is a couple that actually isn't even homeschooling yet! Their kids are about ages three and five. The mom wants to keep her children home solely because of the school shootings, and, of course, Dad is not on board and totally opposed to homeschooling.
How many of us decided to homeschool our children solely because we believe that that our kids will be shot if they attend school? Not many, I bet. Our reasons amount to many, and are richly, deeply complex. But to those who believe that homeschoolers are paranoid, and that the decision to homeschool divides and splinters families; well, those beliefs will be strongly reinforced in this clip.
During this segment, I began to wonder just how much, or how little, Dr. Phil even knew about homeschooling. Dr. Phil never even spent time reconciling this couple; he just dismissed them during the next commercial break. Their purpose served, they were now disposed of.
After that family was ushered off the show, there follows a 30 second bit of a high achieving, high-functioning, homeschooling family whose children have been to visit almost all 50 states. This family does not get to be on stage, but is placed in the audience. They have brought their entire family, including all of their children, one of which is a young girl of about six. The mother does an excellent job of quickly trying to correct some of the misconceptions and myths about homeschooling that one might have after watching this episode thus far, and gives a brief description of different styles of homeschooling to Dr. Phil.
However, Dr. Phil cuts her off, asking her if she thinks that bringing her six year old to the show is, "An Appropriate Decision." Dr. Phil does not seem nearly as interested in having accurate homeschooling information presented on his show, as he is interested in throwing his "Guest Audience," off guard by creating confused defensiveness.
This mother actually does a very good job of defending her position, and quickly explains basic homeschooling concepts, but by then, Dr. Phil has moved on. I wonder if that family will actually be shown in the homeschooling episode. Perhaps.
This segment is followed up with an angry schoolteacher. She states that she never wants to see her country led and governed by homeschoolers and unschoolers, and that they could never be future decision makers for her and her country. Excuse me? Like, the present, highly traditional and formally educated administration is doing an outstanding job? But that's another tangent.
Finally, the episode is concluded by an extremely biased segment from a formerly homeschooled, adult-child who, of course, is traumatized for life by her totally miserable childhood years as a homeschooler. Naturally.
Okay, let's start with all the things that are wrong with how this episode was handled. Here's what discourages me the most, and what was the most explosive. It was how the show was taped, how the homeschoolers were treated, and how we were all misled.
Originally, an e-mail made it's way through the homeschooling communities that Dr. Phil was looking for homeschoolers for his show. Personally, I obviously don't care for Dr. Phil and disdain him, but my Grandmother loves him. I thought, "Wouldn't it be great to go to the Dr. Phil show and make Grandma's day?" My kids thought this would be a wonderful thing for their Great-Grandma and cheered me on.
The Bait and Switch
I filled out the on-line application for the Homeschool Episode, which implied that the show was interested in learning of the reasons why families chose to homeschool. After that, I forgot all about it.
A few weeks later, I received several voicemail messages about, "How excited," they were about my homeschooling child and I, about what I had written to them, (leading one to think they care about what you think and write), and that they were, "Excited to have 'us' on the show as, "Special Guest Audience," (leading one to think that they truly valued us, and that the 'Special Guest Audience,' was somehow a step up from the 'Regular Audience.')
When I finally returned their calls and reached the person at the Dr. Phil show, they sounded excited and happy that I called. However, their first request was that I not bring anyone, "Under the age of eighteen."
I was totally confused and baffled that they acted so excited about hearing from homeschoolers for a homeschooling episode, yet that they did not want me to bring my homeschooler! After all, my child is the homeschooler, not I. What do I know about homeschooling? I have never been homeschooled. He is the homeschooler, I just teach him. It seemed to me that the logical thing to do would be to talk to the homeschooling child. But, I was told, "No one under eighteen is allowed." This was my first clue.
My second clue was when I learned that many in my homeschool community had also applied to the Dr. Phil homeschooling episode, and had been turned down. The Dr. Phil show has a huge audience, surely not that many CA homeschoolers applied. Why were some selected, and not others? Why not everyone? Wouldn't they want their audience that day to be filled to capacity with homeschoolers who could contribute to this intelligent conversation? One could only assume the audience was already full of homeschoolers.
My close, homeschooling friend, my family, and I arrived on the big day, dressed as the Dr. Phil show had instructed us to dress: "Professional; Preferably in dark colors. Nothing white or beige, and no prints." We were to be, "Camera Ready."
We were to arrive at 9:00 a.m., which for us, meant leaving home all dressed up at 7:00 a.m. Since I was allowed to bring two guests, "Over the age of eighteen," I took my Grandma, and my close friend from our IEAH homeschooling group.
We were to find the Dr. Phil parking lot at Paramount Studios, and check in at Studio 29, as "Special Guest Audience" member. The constant reference of us as, "Special Guest Audience," and our bright, red, "Special Audience Guest," tickets led us, in our naivety, to believe that, somehow, as the homeschooling audience, we were special that day and that perhaps our feedback might be desired.
In our imaginations, perhaps Dr. Phil would want our opinions and knowledge regarding homeschooling, or maybe a lively, intellectual dialogue would develop in which our experiences were valued and appreciated. Indeed, in the initial phone interview, we were told that we would possibly very well be called upon to speak by Dr. Phil, and were we willing to speak on camera? To their credit, they never verbalized any assumptions to us, and only implications were made.
I did not sleep a wink that night before the Dr. Phil Show, fearing I would oversleep on the big day. We suspected that when we arrived we would see other homeschoolers that we knew. But, sadly, we also knew that other homeschoolers we knew had been turned away from the show.
When we arrived, we looked for our fellow homeschoolers and quickly found them, a small segregated group of guests who were also holding their bright red, "Special Guest Audience Tickets." Among them were several outstanding, awesome members of the homeschooling community, including the well-respected founders of Excellence In Education, who have been speakers at many of our CHN conferences. We were very happy to see them!
If anyone could give a quick education to Dr. Phil about homeschooling, they surely could with their extensive knowledge. They were well qualified to be the voice of homeschooling for this so-called "Great Debate." There were other homeschoolers there, as well. One homeschooler was an elderly woman who had driven all the way down from San Jose to appear in the, "Special Guest Audience," representing homeschoolers. At some point, while waiting in the line, some of the homeschoolers decided to pray together. That's how important and close to the heart this entire day was for many.
Audience Stuffing
In the meantime, a continuously growing gathering of regular ticket holders was amassing. Furthermore, a huge group of what appeared to be high school students began arriving in ever-increasingly large lots. One of the homeschoolers remarked, in puzzlement, "Those aren't school children are they? Why in the world would they have school children at a show on homeschooling? This isn't going to be a *Debate* is it?"
Remember, we don't actually know what the show is called until we actually enter the studio. Nevertheless, the rapidly increasing, huge crowd of school students was the third sign that we were being misled.
The homeschoolers stood in line, as the hours passed when we were due to arrive, their "Special Guest Audience," tickets in hand, as the ever growing mob of teenagers amassed. As we stood, literally hundreds more high school students continued to arrive.
Adults Only
I thought this was unusual, since, "No one under the age of eighteen was allowed." But, I supposed that maybe, since this was L.A., maybe this was a popular field trip attraction. Upon entering the studio, the homeschoolers were spread throughout the audience seating. Prior to the show starting, an audience warmer came out and told jokes to get the audience warmed up and excited about Dr. Phil's imminent appearance.
It was then that I realized that the huge groups of teenagers were from local high schools from the San Bernardino and Inland Empire Areas, and that these school children had been deliberately and purposefully bussed in specifically for their presence on the Homeschooling Episode.
Ontario Christian High School was represented; San Bernardino High School was there, as well as several other local Inland Empire High Schools.
After the lady who chewed homeschoolers out as the future of her government had spoken, Dr. Phil then did something that clearly indicated why the homeschoolers had been brought to be part of an audience of an episode in which hundreds of high school students had been bussed in: Dr. Phil then asked the audience, "How many of you support Homeschooling and how many of you support sending children to school?"
Well, of course the 10% to 15% of the sparsely spread audience that were passionate homeschoolers proudly raised their hands in support of homeschooling. And when Dr. Phil said, "How many people do not support homeschooling," all those young high school students that had been unwittingly bussed in specifically for that question in this episode, raised their hands -- A forest of "No's," against homeschooling.
Although, that was just one brief question in Dr. Phil's episode, he took no chances. He deliberately rigged that audience to be a few sparsely spread homeschoolers, and an imposing majority of those who were currently in traditional schools.
The viewing audience will not be able to see the audience as being high school children. To the television viewer, they will just be arms in the air opposing homeschooling. This is when I realized why we had been brought in as, "Special Guest Audience."
The Dr. Phil Show took no chances. They wanted to make sure that they had an audience of 10-15% that would passionately raise their hands in favor of homeschooling, and a guarantee that the entire rest of the audience would be strongly in favor of traditional schooling. They did not want an audience of people who did not care one way or the other, as they might have had with a random, mainstream audience. They needed to have a handpicked audience that would unilaterally, overwhelmingly opposed the homeschooling, *ON* a homeschooling show in which the homeschoolers had been invited, and had come to express their love of homeschooling!
In other words, Dr. Phil preyed upon the passion of homeschoolers, and the boisterous enthusiasm of Senior High School Students to achieve his biased audience representation.
Although those of us in the homeschooling audience were never heard from that day, other than raising our hands, we traveled miles to be on his show. We rose very early, and prayed to be good examples and good testaments to homeschooling. We thought about what we might say to intelligently represent homeschooling and the homeschooling community favorably. We dressed accordingly; perhaps we even bought a new dress or pants. We spent our money on gas, and dedicated our valuable time to Dr. Phil's show for the day. Perhaps we sacrificed a day of homeschooling, and took time off work.
We certainly left our young ones behind. We did this, because of our passion for homeschooling, and Dr. Phil preyed upon this passion in having us as his audience, so that we could be the flimsy 15% that raised their hands in favor of homeschooling, so that he could have his biased TV show. He preyed upon our cause, our dreams, our passion and our hope. A true predator.
The show is actually only about a half hour long. In between sets, the guests are quickly hurried off stage, and swiftly replaced with new, equally bewildered guests. Between sets, Dr. Phil deliberately goes out of his way to avoid eye contact with the audience, thus avoiding engaging the audience.
Everything is done very fast, and there is so much activity with the cameras that there is no opportunity to ask questions, and no time to verbalize thoughts and ideas. It is most unnerving to witness Dr. Phil's deliberate disengagement and clearly overt avoidance of the audience. For those who love Dr. Phil, this is not the Dr. Phil that they see on TV.
It is also painfully obvious that the guests are viewing the heavily-edited-out-of-context-video of their families for the first time on the TV show, and quite surprised by the selected footage aired. In addition, the first time that they actually meet and speak with Dr. Phil is right there on the TV show, immediately following the disturbing footage, which just aired of their family. This serves to completely unnerve the guests, and makes it hard for them to gather their thoughts.
When it was over, I left as fast as possible. I didn't want to be there when the others realized that this was it. Based upon the Breastfeeding Episode, I had known all along that the show would be manipulative, but I still had dreams that homeschoolers would have an opportunity to present educational, enlightening and useful homeschooling information to mainstream America on the Dr. Phil Show.
Our hopes were dashed that day, and I wanted to be out of there. Even I was guilty of fanciful thoughts and hopes. When you leave, you are quickly and firmly ushered out a previously unknown back door, onto a busy, unfamiliar, disorienting side street, no longer on the Paramount Studio Lot, and you are far from your car.
Yes, the episode is scheduled to air on Oct. 27th. Originally, I had been proud to tell my son that we were going to be in Dr. Phil's Guest Audience, now I have stopped mentioning it and I am hoping he will forget about it. It is not an episode that I can say proudly promotes, advocates and positively represents the homeschooling community, my homeschooling experience with my youngest child, and all that my vibrant, passionate, exciting homeschooling community embraces, dreams of and believes.
In Peace, Love, Kindness And Many Happy Blessings
Thrice-Blessed Mama To Three Amazing Sons
Kirsten
184 Comments:
I respect and admire that you took the time and effort to represent homeschooling, even though it was obviously a setup.
However, you should take comfort in knowing that Dr. Phil had to go to such great lengths in order to bash homeschooling. As should have been expected, he was simply incapable of providing a fair forum for homeschoolers to actually educate him and his viewers. Don't be surprised. Most ignorant people are horribly impotent to actually learning anything; Dr. Phil is no exception.
Dr. Phil, master of misrepresentation. Hmmm. Do you think he's planning on running for office?
Dr. Phil always brings up some very good points.
Besides how do you expect a child to learn anything by "unschooling." Everyone knows that school is good for kids. Get a clue. These homeschooled kids will never fit it.
It must be remembered that Phil is just a TV personality now, a book hawker at times, and all of the time he is a representative of what a network wants him to be representative of. It used to be that "common sense" were words that would come up when talking about Phil and his take on things. It can now be said, after a few televised years, that "sell out" are the words that more accurately fit him.
Frankly, I don't want my child to "fit in" with your child. You don't sound like a person I'd want to know.
What dear traits would you like my child to learn at school that they are not getting at home? Could it be the foul language, the disrespect for adults, the physical confrontations to settle a dispute, how to threaten someone with a knife, how to steal, shall I continue? The best one came from his teacher who told him not to do something because he would learn that next year. These were all issues that took place in the first three months of Kindergarten at a "good" public school.
Obviously, you like your child to be dumb bully or victim.
Knowledge is good for kids regardless where it comes from.
When I pulled my son out, a HUGE cloud was lifted and he excelled.
And to the person who wrote about Extreme Home Makeover...the same thing happened to me when they came to my town. I have never been so let down by a show. I used to think the design team were these awesome people...little did I know they did squat!
-Casandra
www.xanga.com/spazzymommy
That person needs to get a clue!
I personally "unschool" 5 children. It is working wonderfully. They naturally learn to do school and learn on thier own unlike schooled children who never have a chance to use thier own brain. My children will learn to think for themselves. They will have a desire to learn. They love knowledge. If you are stupid enough to believe that the media is 100% truthful and a school system that is new (historically children didn't go to school like we know it today) is going to be good for children than I feel bad for you. You anonymous need to do some research.
By the way, has anyone ever noticed that anonymous people that leave mean comments are always to chicken to leave a name?
~Annemarie
If Unschooling wasn't a viable homeschooling method, so many parents wouldn't be leaning in that direction.
I look at it this way. If the "school-at-home" method, which mimics the public school's way of doing things was all that hot, then the kids would still be in school.
After this revealing piece of information, I won't be watching Dr. Phil again. It's unbelieveable that he was too afraid to have a fair debate that he felt compelled to stack the audience against homeschoolers.
I think we should all contact the shows sponsors.
#2 -- I used to watch Phil (I refuse to call him Dr!!), but then a few years ago it got on my nerves that he began to use his family to give advice on the show, as if they somehow were competent because they lived with him. Would you want the wife of your psychologist to sit in on your session and give you advice? Or his kid? After all, Phil's son just married a young woman who made a name for herself by appearing in a porn magazine with her other triplet sisters! The family claims to love her and be over the moon. So much for a moral upbringing...
I'd rather take advice from a bartender, thanks very much.
I think that we all need to make some noise. Someone on here mentioned that they emailed the show, Dr. Phil. Spread this link around, watch the show, respond to Dr. Phil. Let's make up for the other half of the audience not properly represented. He has those shows where people have complained about him.
BTW - my name is Laura, but I don't want a blogger account.
Thank you so much for taking the effort to post your experiences, both with the EBF episode and now, with the homeschooling episode. Knowing full well what I'll be seeing, I will watch the show, only so that I can say that yes, I did watch the show, when explaining my thoughts on it.
While I never expected a completely unbiased show, I was surprised at the lengths which would be used to bias the show (the audience stuffing came as a bit of a surprise).
Again, thank you for showing up for the show, if for no other reason than to be able to give the REAL story behind it.
Dr. Phil show
5482 Wilshire Boulevard #1902
Los Angeles, CA 90036
I was unable to find an e-mail address but he has a contact form on his website at:
http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=9164
(Copy and paste this url into your browser.)
Regarding "The Great School Debate"
I think your behavior is disgraceful. The homeschoolers who took the time to come to your show, should have been given a fair chance to express their views. Instead you decided it was necessary to stuff the audience, with schooled children.
What were you thinking?
I didn't care much for your show to begin with and now I refuse to watch it. You are worse than Gerald Rivera and Jerry Springer at least people knew what to expect when they appeared on their shows.
Also, his site doesn't list the show on homeschooling. I wonder if they received to much negative feedback from homeschoolers.
The fact remains that he is getting a crash course on who we are and what we do even if he doesn’t want it. He is getting a huge response to a show that has not even hit the air.
Keep writing those letters have your friends and family write let him know just how we feel.
Home school is not for everyone.
You must like your child or children
You must learn things you totally forgot so you can teach your kids
You must be willing to sacrifice a second income and or pay for all outside classes’ books and materials.
You know who you are, You know you are special, Hold your head high and remember what your doing is right for you and your family. Nothing else matters.
Our children will be the free thinkers of tomorrow. Yes some of them will work at Mc Donald’s or dig ditches or build homes and yet others will be Dr.s , Vets, rocket scientists
This is no different than the kids who go to public schools and all of these jobs must be done by someone.
Tina
This is apparently the way the popular media wants to portray homeschooling, and, as long as they control the edits, our voice and presence is whatever they choose for it to be - we're at their mercy.
That if you go on birth control, even if it is to help regulate periods and you are still a virgin, you are automatically labeled a slut and your Christian/Catholic friends will never speak to you again. In fact, they will make your life miserable.
That if you go out with someone with an ex-girlfriend, you will be bullied each and every time that you are seen walking down the street.
That you have to be walked home because your boyfriends brother because he will beat you up because he is jealous because he does not have a gorlfriend. So you can never walk by yourself, even though it only takes a few minutes to walk to your boyfriends.
That guns and knives are okay to carry, and that drugs and alcohol are cool. Partying is fun.
That if you do not look/act right, your life will be miserable, because it will be made to be miserables.
That it is okay for the Varsity Team to degrade the JV Team, and not be reprimanded. (BTW - said varsity team lost every single game last year because none of them new how to play the game). Also that other teams that they play can verbally abuse them without reprimand, as can the other teams parents when you stop into McD's for dinner after the game.
That popularity is more important than family and friendship. And more important than a good education and helping others.
And, let's not forget that my 14 year old is learning that it is akay to steel someones identity and create a blog using the other persons name and photograph, and create a false (and harmful) identity for that person.
I think I will continue to homeschool. Atleast my homeschooled children:
Can learn what they want, getting a real (and good) education.
Have hearts, and like to help others.
Are not bullies, thinking the whole world should bend to their knees.
And are basically good kids (not perfect, but I'm glad that the other kids I know are not mine!)
I'm sending an email to his show as soon as I log off of this!
Mail Dr. Phil
If anyone knows of any current sponsors (we don't watch the show) please post them so I can mail them also.
Here is the letter I rattled off to Dr. Phil. Some of the comments here should be sent over there - they're great!!!
Dear Dr. Phil,
Although I'm not a fan of Skinnerism and the type of behavior therapy you promote (see Alfie Cohen "Punished by Rewards"), I did believe that there was a place in society for your methods.
After reading your latest assault on the homeschool world (http://localhs.com/scuttle/2006/10/great-school-debate.asp) and your need to tip the scales of the audience - as opposed to leaving it random, I have to say I will do my best to make sure your sponsors know that we will do an out and out full-scale boycott with as many homeschool groups across the county.
You sir, have sold yourself out and have fallen prey to your own limited paradigm. Instead of being an asset to society, you are now part of societies problems.Instead of enlightening your fan base, you are keeping them in the dark.
I'm sure you won't miss the homeschool viewers, since you do prefer to cater to the sheeple crowd. Critical thinkers see you for what you represent and have learned to stay far away from your show and all the products that have spun from your show.
Sincerely,
Kolleen
Do they get a education better than the most public schooled kids? Yup
What do they get? A six year old boy that gets upset when he cant do 3 pages worth of math a day, even on weekends, An eight year old girl who sits on the couch and read DR. Suess books to her little brothers (6 and 4). A four year old boy that chatters constantly about the ancient Egyptians and Babylonians.
Am I proud of my kids? Damn stright.
Am I Proud of my wife for what she is doing? You betcha.
So to those people out there that say my kids are gonna be socially inept and they wont learn socialization skills I will tell you what I learned in public school. I learned the only thing banning a book in school will do is get me to read it (Reference Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Animal Farm).
I learned that because you are smaller then most kids you get selected to be stuffed in lockers, laughed at, and made fun of.
I learned the best teacher I had and almost all the knowledge I gleamed was not from some wrinkled old hag in the highschool but from my mother.
Yet, despite your understandable discouragement there is much encouragement to gleam from history. There were many voices who stood up and risked to get women the right to vote, to end slavery, to stop segregation, etc. to just name a few. Community education frequently seems to be where the most violent communication and tactics are both employed and wounding. It is a well known strategic maneuver to apply the pressure of shame, manipulation and misinformation to keep the masses from self reflection. If people don't really understand the issues then they can be more easily swayed and/or unknowingly controlled.
Once the topic is not "shockingly new" it becomes less controversial and then the stage of awareness becomes the next challange. This is the time when some are able to move from the intellectual knowledge to a heart-felt understanding. It is after these two have occurred that acceptance has room to begin to grow. Ironically the stages of grief seem to parallel the unfolding of social change as apparently the old ideas need to pass away (die) before there is even room anything new. This process takes decades. For many of us the seeds that are planted now will only bear fruit for those born in generations to come.
History tends to glorify and document only a handful, in many cases focussing on the ones that tended to be closer to the time when growth and changed actually takes place. But none of those changes would have occurred without all those unsung heroes that through their sweat and tears helped blaze the trail and allow the stages to unfold ever so slowly which ironically benefit all (those who worked for social change and those who did not.).
It is exciting that you were willing to be part of the process. I hope that knowing that you are a seed planter for those who will follow can bring you enough solace during these less than graceful times.
Joanne O'Neill
PS - It is a sad commentary on our society that some still feel a need to say share their obviously unbalanced (thereby obviously uninformed) perspectives anonymously. I can't help but wonder if those that do so, on some level, realize that they are not as either as well researched and/or compassionate as they could be prior to being so judgmental. Anyone who truly wants to have a conversation not to belittle another but to grow in understanding might consider being respectful enough and considerate enough in their selection of word usage to at the very least be willing to sign their name.
This post has confirmed to me what I have been thinking for some time about "Dr. Phil". Whenever I watch the show there is just something in me that says, "Hmmm, this just doesn't seem right.".
I used to go exercise at a gym and they always had his show on and, of course, it was in "captions" so we could read what was being said. Once you READ the words he is saying, it makes absolutely no sense! He just talks and no real solutions come out of that mouth of his. He has so many people duped, it isn't even funny. I am just feeling validated for what I have been thinking and feeling about this man.
Thank you for a nice article, and not maliciously written either!
Ellie
Mr. McGraw,
I have recently learned of your upcoming segment on homeschooling and I am frankly quite disturbed by your biased viewpoint. There are many various teaching methods to home education but you chose to be another "Jerry Springer" type of show and to only show one side of homeschooling and to make it a negative one at that. You chose NOT to show the positive side by selectively choosing your studio audience, guests and material used. Your show is no different than the other sensationalized shows that want to only show negative side of issues to gain more viewers who thrive on trashy programs. Was this particular show sponsored by the NEA?
Mr. McGraw, I wonder if you realize that the vast majority of home educators are Christians. I noticed recently that your wife wrote a book that I've seen on the shelves of my local Christian bookstore. It leads me to wonder if she wrote this book strickly to appeal to the Christian community and to yet stuff more money into your bank account. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would not want His children in the public school system. It is not a morally, physically, or emotionally safe place for our children to be anymore. If caring about the wellness of our children makes us parents appear radical, then thank heavens I'm guilty. God gave our children to us to raise, not the government. A liberal viewpoint is causing the fall of society. Our morally conservative educated homeschooled children will be our only chance of a safe and civilized future.
Sincerly,
Mrs. Janet Gernand
Sadly, my parents who are in their 80s, if they watch the show, will believe every word.
Homeschooling mom of two
One point I would like to make...most conservative minded people have babies and take care to raise them properly. The so called liberals of our society are either aborting their young or not having any at all. By sheer numbers conservatives will win out.
Hang in there hm moms and parents. America is still the greatest country in the world and it isn't by chance.
Julie in Texas
Might I suggest that you get as many people as you can who own any of his books to box them up and send them to him with a letter explaining how insulting his sensationlistic view are.
To the anonymous writers - you are also looking at homeschooling/unschooling through a myopic/tunnel vision lens. Homeschooled children fit in very well with all types of people of all ages. The teens I know actually like and are not ashamed to be seen with their parents, older people, younger people etc. They don't have an age segregation attitude that we only hang with people in our own age group in most cases. Education is a complicated issue and the government funded school houses have not been doing a very good job of giving our kids a well rounded educational/learning experience. The issue is not only school shootings but more importantly the lack of quality education that takes place. I could go on for pages.
My favorite quote is: "The idea is to have the child in pursuit of knowlege, not knowledge in pursuit of the child." George Bernard Shaw
And btw, not all homeschoolers are Christian, many of us are from other religions or not religious at all.
An additional thought occurred to me.
You are so well written, have you considered taking your piece and submitting it to various newspaper editorials?
It is very powerful on many levels. The newspaper media might be pleased to expose the tactics of a well followed public talk show host. Your experience uses unschooling as the theme which would also allow for much more accurate community education about unschooling.
It could be something you pursue on your own and/or you could give those of us in other states permission to submit your article in our papers as well. I, for one, would love to see what the New York Times would do with it.
Of course, you may need to step back for a while which is equally understandable.
Just a thought. :)
Joanne O'Neill
Pat
I was at the taping of this show. I heard from someone sitting amongst the public educators that some of them are are just as fearful that it was pro- homeschooling. I'd like to wait till the show actually airs and see what gets cut and what stays before deciding that it was completely a wash for homeschoolers. The anti-homeschoolers may have shot themselves in the foot with this one.
The audience was definately hand-picked but probably was an accurate reflection of the general population, in numbers (not by any means showing the typical homeschool family - whatever the heck that is).
I think Annette is going to be posting my summary along with comments from the oher homeschooler I mentioned.
If folks watch the show, I'd definately write your comments to the producers, they need to be held accountable to present an accurate picture of society, unless they want to put a disclaimer before and at the end of their shows stating that the show is staged and include research alluded to by Phil McGraw. I know many folks look at him as an expert of all things and can be easily mislead.
My kids are a lot better being schooled at home instead of public school.